I Hate Bunnies
by Supreme King of Awesome
Summary: The greatest OC in the history of terrible OC's get's some fleshing out when his deepest hatred is used against him by the multiverse's greatest scientist.
1. Chapter 1

**HEEEYYYYY YOOOUUUUUUU GUUUUUYYYYYYYSSS! Guess what I found on my flash drive? That's right, a file! 'Cheers, applause.' One lone file that was supposed to be a part of the heartless wretch story. Small problem though. It contained characters and spoilers to events that only occurred later in the story. I wrapped my head around this six different ways and I could find no path that would stay on track but not leave people scratching their heads like, Uhhhh. So I decided that the easiest thing to do would be to delete some stuff, change a few characters, and set it aside as a filler event since the next chapter starts about a week ahead anyway. So… short fic time? Short fic time. B-es. D-N YOU SELF CENSORING! Say hi to Jexsam everybody.**

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><p>"SQUEAK!" What? I looked down under my boot to see a tangled mass of pale beige yarn. Oh, tangle mass of pale beige yarn, what may you be doing on the fifteenth floor of TCTNW? Dirtying up the gray floor plates perhaps?<p>

Well instead of being the gangsta everyone expected, I simply ran a hand through my hair, smoothed the expression on my bronze skinned face(HAHAHA, I made him a black guy, HAHAHA, NYEH!) shouted, "Not on my floor Google!" and kicked the ball of yarn, sending it flying as easily as if I were kicking a bag of rice. A bag of rice that was roughly the size and shape of a person and was wearing a black cloak and matching boots. I sighed in annoyance as I walked over to help up the now silent number nine.

Seems that this guy is the punching bag of the organization. It would almost make someone feel sorry for him if it were not so much fun.

As I reached the fragile, vulnerable, twitching carcass of the water boy, I stopped my hand mid grab and thought. Squeak? I looked to the unconscious man's face and pondered. That had obviously been where my foot was as I had not seen it. Slowly, I stood back up, lifted my foot, and brought it back down onto Demyx's face. Nothing happened. "Huh. Maybe..." I then applied pressure to his face.

"SQUEAK! Squeak… Squee-eeaak… !" I then amused myself for the next few minutes making his face squeak before hearing the sound of footsteps about to turn into this hall. Removing my foot, I turned to look at whoever was coming around the corner. My eyes seemed to roll of their own accord when I saw the slate hair of Zexion as he rounded into the hall, knowing that if he had any business here, the day would end in pain for me.

"Ah, Jexsam, there you are. Have you seen Demyx? I sent him up here a while ago to fetch you but he hasn't re…" It was then that he looked down behind me and saw the man in question lying on the floor. "Why is he unconscious?"

"Found him like this. Been this way for a few minutes. It was my assumption that he had taken a nap. Though what knocked him out was probably me stepping on him."

Zexion made a choking sound which was likely laughter. "Well – AHEM! – Well, in any case Vexen asked me to bring you to the lab. Something he said that only you could help with."

"I see," and from Zexion's expression He could tell that I could see. "Vexen is aware that I don't like him, correct?"

"I would assume."

"Quite right, quite right. Also, when he told you to send me, was he bored?"

Zexion's eyes widened. "Um, uh no?"

"Of course." I took a step backward into a freshly opened corridor and was about to close it before I remembered to ask. "Oh and Zexion, did you know that Demyx's face squeaks if you apply enough pressure?"

Zexion's eyes went blank and his face turned red. He made another choking sound, though it was difficult to know what exactly it was. Zexion gave a mumbled, "yes," and proceeded to drag Demyx away.

I then decided to never ask Zexion a question ever again.

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><p>Stepping into Vexen's lab, I searched the dark room to locate the scientist in question. In doing so, my eyes passed over many strange <em>things<em> including a vast array pointy utensils that may or may not have ever been cleaned, a table with stacks upon stacks upon stacks upon more stacks of notebooks that were likely filled with notes and were even more likely stolen, and, most disturbingly, what appeared to be a space age _probe_ that looked as if it had been recently used and, again, not cleaned.

I allowed my eyes to follow the probe's cord and came across a tank filled with a cloudy blue liquid standing upright in the far right corner. Recognizing this as the part in the horror movie when you should be running, I decided to continue towards the tank and peer inside. After tripping for the fifth time over the hundreds of electrical wires I finally made it to the tank and got a good look.

"Huh. Pervert." In the tank was what appeared to be a teenage girl, possibly between seventeen and nineteen, pale and completely NUDE! I doubted he would have had the guts to actually abduct anyone, so I found it more likely that it was one of those replicas I keep hearing about. She seemed to most resemble Lexeaus going by her reddish brown hair, but her facial features and body type suggested that the scientist also decided to go the dangerous route of Larxene.

I shuddered. A combination like that would be nothing but trouble.

"Admiring my latest creation?" I turned to look at Vexen, who had entered the room at an unknown time.

"Didn't know you were sick _and_ fearless Snowy." I looked back at the tank. "I mean, Larxene? How did you even get close enough to take a hair sample?"

"No hair from that witch," he said with a hint of disgust, "I received all of the hair necessary from Lexeaus."

"She drools?"

"Not that I have seen."

"So… blood maybe?" He shook his head. "Umm… maybe she-"

"Nope. You are dancing around this, I can tell. I found a large quantity of it on her teddy bears."

"Okay let's move on to why you called me here."

"It was her –"

"MOVING ON!"

"Oh, fine then, you big baby." He took his time walking to the other side of the lab giving me plenty of time to schedule a crying session for later. When he returned, he was clutching a glass vial filled with an untrustworthy green liquid. It looked like Mountain Dew. "Here, Drink up."

He handed me the vial and I, being the genius that I am, eyed it up and down before deciding to down it in one gulp.

…

…

…

POOF!

Well, I can tell you one thing. It definitely _was _Mountain Dew. It appeared that Vexen had made a few minor tweaks to the overall formula though. For one thing, I'm pretty sure drinking the MD in the past never made the world grow five times in size. I also never left me standing shoeless and in the buff with my head feeling twice as heavy. Another problem. Vexen was trying ineffectively to hide a laugh. When Vexen laughs, you know it's bad. "You dolt! What did you do to me!" Gasp. My voice was maybe three octaves higher than usual. Vexen's laugh was starting to lose control. "Stop laughing!" I tried to shake my fist at the idiot, but that is kind of hard to do when you don't have a fist.

"!"

I let my arm fall, knowing what had happened and kicking myself for telling Vexen the root of my deepest hatred. I walked; make that _hopped,_ to the other side of the room where a mirror had been set on the floor for just this moment. I almost cried. It was true. In the mirror I could see Vexen rotfl-ing. Because he had gotten me. I. I was a –

"_**A FUGGIN RABBIT!"**_

"Well actually – _cough –_ you're a bunny!" Vexen was struggling to get off of the ground and he seemed a lot happier about this than he should have been.

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><p><strong>Yeah, this is going to be really short. I'm planning on leaving this at one more chapter. You see, he was supposed to go on this grand adventure through the castle and be unexplainably fine by the next chapter, but with the computer virus and all… I'll have to save the grand adventure for the next chapter. Well, review and all that rubbish. Tell me if you like or no. Supreme king is out! In a moment. <strong>_** Hope you all noticed but I put a small reference in here to a fiction I read last year. You get a thumbs up from Xemnas if you can identify it. **_**Now Supreme King is out!**


	2. The Plot Almost Thickens

** Well, I'm finally back on my regular computer. Lookin' good except that the thing won't play sound. So that means that there will be no YouTube or Cinnamassacre or Screwattack or Smosh or Animeseason or most of the other sites I like. So I got off relatively easy. … … … SCREW THIS, I WANT TO FUGGIN COMPLAIN! YOU KNOW HOW ALL COMPUTERS HAVE THIS FUNCTION WHERE IF YOU PUT IN MORE THAN ONE CD A DAY, THE PLAYER BREAKS? WELL I SURE AS HELL DIDN'T! "Why don't you just take it to Best Buy?" WELL APPARENTLY, THEY, IN ALL THEIR WISDOM AND MIGHT, CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHAT'S WRONG! 'Inhales.' AAGGREESSSSSSIOOONN! 'Flies up into the air and looks down at Best Buy.' KIAOKEN TIMES 9000 BIYATCH! 'Down at Best Buy…' "Hey Ted." "Yeah Bob?" "Got any idea about that giant ominous red light in the sky?" "No clue Bob." KAMEHAMEHA TIMES ONEMILLION MUTHAFUGGA. "Hey Ted, what do you suppose that bright _blue_ light is?" "Well Bob, I'd say that's our fresh shipment of agonizing and not-so-instantaneous doom." "Oh is that all- wait a minute WHAT THE FU-" BOOOOOOOMM! , HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA! Hahaahahhahahaha- ehem uh, please enjoy the fiction.**

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><p>"Change me back Vexen!" I was practically steaming with unbridled rage, if you could imagine a one ft two caramel brown rabbit that was unable to resist the urge to twitch his nose, steaming.<p>

"Well, you see, the difficulty with this is that it isn't something _I_ want to do. You see the problem?"

I think one of my ginormous ears popped. "I don't think I asked what you wanted. Do it."

Vexen did not budge but his smile widened by about 187 percent. "You seem to forget your place. You are the second lowest ranked in the Organization. For you to think that you can order me around-"

"And YOU seem to forget that number Seven is the second in command. Number means nothing. Now change me back or I swear that I'll… I'll…"

"You won't do anything as I am protected by plot shielding."

"What."

"Yes, you see the author's brilliant mind allowed him to say that you cannot use your thus far unseen powers so you can have a dramatic unveiling at another place and time. Also, the fourth wall means nothing to me."

"What."

"Plot shielding bitch."

"As much as this confuses me, I should inform you that my super ears hear a set of boots approaching your door. You may want to hide you perverted experiment."

But at this point the clone was already hidden behind a curtain that concealed all possible light that would emanate from the tank. As the footsteps halted outside the door, Vexen was making a visible effort to smooth his features as if it were crucial to his survival.

The doorknob turned while the door itself slid open with a creak. In stepped none other than the Grand Poobah himself.

"Alright Vexen, I'm here. Now _what_ were you so insistent on dragging me down to see? I suggest you make this quick. Larxene is stuck in a tree again, and you know how pissy she becomes if no one gets her down within an hour."

"Honestly, this is the third time in two weeks. Anyway, I was bored, so I-"

"Dang it Vexen, what the fruitcake did you do? You see this is why I bought you those Sudoku books. Whenever you get bored, you wind up doing something that makes me want to turn you into a creeper. And not the pathetic Nobody kind."

"…" Vexen waited. "You done interrupting me? Okay, as I was trying to say, lookit!" Xemnas scanned the room and apparently saw nothing of interest. "Down there sir."

Xemnas looked down at me, standing and tapping my left foot like some kind of cartoon. There was a swish of hair as his head turned toward the scientist. "Is that…" Vexen replied with a short, satisfied nod. Before I realized that he was not going to turn that idiot into a fine, spreadable paste, Xemnas had already taken out a digital camera from inside one of his sleeves and snapped several shots.

Looking into the screen, our wise leader said, "That. Is. Hilarious. But you should change him back."

Vexen looked appalled at the idea. "Why would I ever want to do that?"

"Because, if he is still a rabbit by the time the author gets off his lazy ass and reveals his power, then you will be turned into slightly less than a fine, spreadable _cream_. That enough incentive for you?"

Vexen looked down at himself. "I believe I like my body composition the way it is currently."

"That is what I thought. So, hop to it Vexen." While the awful pun still hung in the air, he let out an uncharacteristic guffaw and waltzed (literally) out of the lab.

Vexen was mumbling something about dancing classes paying off and turned to march toward a table along the far left wall. Looking over his shoulder, he said, "We're done here, for the moment."

Confusion? "What do you mean by 'done?'"

His gloved hands reached into a cabinet positioned above the table and retreated with several vials in their grasp. "Simply that the process of creating an antidote will not take ten minutes. In truth, I am not even certain of what chemicals I used, since I grabbed many at random and I have a bit of a labeling problem. In fact, the only thing I remember clearly using was extract of bunny." Setting them down on the table, he reached back inside fumbling around for something that clinked, a beaker, I presumed. I was correct as always. "The first course of action will be to replicate the formula. Once that is done, I will have to analyze all of the ingredients used and counter test a few more random chemicals to deduce their opposites. When all of that is finished, I will have to combine all of the chemicals, adding in a sample of your own genetic material." He reached into a small box on the table and pulled out… a pair of sterilized gloves that he slipped over the ones he already wore. "When that is done I will need to boil the solution so the recombination phase can begin. After that, the antidote will need to cool for thirty minutes."

I hopped over and onto the table muttering, "Is that all..?"

"Oh, yes." Vexen put a hand to his chin for a moment, then looked down. "That is, barring any unexpected occurrences."

As if on cue, there was a crashing sound and a loud explosion coming from a few floors up. "DAMMIT XIGBAR!"

"BUT YOU SAID TO SHOOT ANYTHING RED!"

"I TOLD YOU _NOT_ TO SHOOT ANYTHING RED! ESPECIALLY MY FIRY EXPLOSIVE HAIR GEL!"

"Oops... I'M HUNGRY!"

"GET A SANDWICH!"

"NO!"

I am so doomed.

"In any case, I assumed that you would not go quietly, so I sent a dusk to fetch someone."

KNOCK, KNOCK!

"Ah. That must be her now," the psychopath said before light spilled into the lab.

Looking to the door, I saw Xion poke her head in. "Hey, I heard that you called for me?"

"Indeed Xion, come closer and look what I have for you." Vexen never peered up from his work, even while talking.

Xion walked over slowly, taking her time until she caught sight of a certain ball of fluff. My ears bled as an extremely high pitched squeal split the very air into fourths. A painful glance at Vexen showed that he was wearing ear muffs. The slimy bastid. Looking back at the black haired banshee nearly made me hop backwards as she suddenly materialized a few inches from my face.

"You see, Jexsam here agreed to be your pet bunny."

My eyes shot to Vexen's face. "I agreed to what now?"

My question was never answered as I was caught in a bear-like grip, my blood, bones, and vital organs slowly turning into a smoothie inside of Xion's grasp. "Oh, boy! Just what I always wanted. My own little bunny rabbit. I will name him George, and I will hug him and pet him and squeeze him and pat him and rub him and caress him and-"

"NOOOO! Vexen you can't be serious!"

"Now run along Xion," Insanity said with a wicked grin.

"Thanks Mr. Vexen." With those words, Xion began to bound out of the lab with me in tow.

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><p><strong> Okay, I admit, that one kind of got away from me. I had originally planned to end it with this chapter, but I got a little too happy with my work. So instead of two chapters it may have four. I will try my hardest to end the story with the next chapter, but I make no promises. Perhaps I should speak of inspiration. I had read an Orgy thirteen fic a while back about things that happen when Vexen got bored and ever since then, this story took shape in my head. Really, I intended it to be something entirely separate from HW, but the more I thought about it, the less convinced I was that <em>any<em> member could fill this role since none of them are evil enough to be a bunny. Besides that, I had to come up with an excuse as to why the character would not just squash Vexen as if he were a grape until he made the antidote, and plot shielding was the only thing I could come up with. *Facepalm.* Man, I am awful. **


	3. More Randomosity

**Wow. Just… wow. I have not been typing anything at all. The last time that I uploaded, I think was last month. That is completely and totally unacceptable. I signed a contract. It was on a yellow Wendy's napkin, but it was still a contract darn it! I informally apologize to the twelve people that have actually read my stories. A poor attempt at humor, I understand. Oh, and one more thing: remember when I said that this chapter was going to be the last one? Yeah… I kind of got lazy so I have to finish it later. I am so awful. Next one will be the end, I promise. Then I can stop torturing you with this and get back to a story that I am particularly excited about.**

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><p>"Xion?"<p>

"Huh?" The girl turned to see just who had interrupted her merry skipping. It had been Marluxia, slowly walking towards her holding a dandelion and wearing a white suit.

"Oh, hi Marluxia. How goes things? And, why are you wearing that getup?"

Marluxia looked down at himself. "This thing? I had an all white wedding to go to."

"That is a perfectly reasonable explanation." Xion cocked her head to one side. "Who got married?"

Marluxia looked at the flower with a small amount of disgust. "My _wonderful_ and _perfect_ sister's. We haven't talked much since my, my acci-, my induc-, well you understand." He heaved out a pained sigh. "She played me like a toy, saying that it would mean the world and everything outside of it if her big brother could come to her wedding. It's been so long that I was not recognized until my name was called for sentiments. So back to you. Why do you have a bunny shaped bulge protruding from your chest?"

A muffled, "I am not a bunny!" sounded from that area.

Marluxia turned his head slightly to admire his handiwork on the castle walls molding as Xion partially unzipped her cloak down to just below the chest so that Jexsam-bunny could breathe. Turning his head back, Marley took one look at Jexsam-bunny and said, "Xion, you can't keep him, remember? When Larxene was turned into a cat, Xemnas said that there were no pets allowed. We were picking hair out of the sofas for days."

Xion put on a childish pout. "But warxy was so cute in her wittle booties."

Marluxia wagged a finger at Xion. "Be that as it may, there is no exception or inception to this rule, and I will not have this rodent to run around the castle wreaking havoc and eating my begonias." He crossed his arms and shook his head. "Shame on you for being such a stubborn little girl."

It was at this point that Xion became enraged. "There is no way that I can just give him up anyway, because he's not even a real bunny! So there, doodoo face!"

"Yaaay..."

"It's Jexsam; Vexen just turned him into a bunny."

"But then, if Vexen altered his genetic code and transformed him into bunny, then he_ is_ a bunny," Marluxia argued.

"Nooo..."

"What are you talking about? That makes no sense at all. Vexen gave him to me to keep while he was making an antidote because the Superior ordered him to." Xion knew she would win this. She had been told by Vexen that she was captain of the debate team while a human even though she had not been able to remember this herself (**HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA**).

Flower Powers frowned. "And you truly expect me to believe _that _nonsense?" Marluxia started a laugh. "How absurd. The Superior agreeing to allow another animal in the castle would be as unlikely as, I don't know, someone defeating the super vampire Dracula with a magic whip. No, wait, it would be like besting the dragon king Bahamut with an oversized kitchen knife! Wait, I got it! That would be as unlikely as killing the death king and god of all demons Chernabog with a giant key! And it is not as if any of those could or have happened or that this was just a short list of video game references!" Laugh, laugh, laugh, yuk, yuk, yuk, yada, yada, yada, you get the picture. After a few minutes of this he had calmed down enough to hold out his arms and say, "now hand him over so I can drop him out the window."

Xion, who had been patting a glaring Jexsam-bunny's head while Marluxia was ranting, looked up appalled and said, "You can't do that! We are on the eleventh floor, and the castle is floating over the bottomless abyss of no return."

"Exactly!" Marluxia appeared delighted that Xion understood his meaning and ignored that a certain short, furry, angry man was vocally plotting becoming a vegetarian.

Meanwhile, in the Icecave...

Vexen sat in the dark room with Zexion beside him. "Okay Zexion, hand me the beaker with the last chemical." There was no answer. "Zexion? Are you still alive in here?"

CRASH!

"Zexion, you fool!"

"GOOOAAAAL!"

Vexen shot a fiery glare at Zexion, who he saw standing in front of a butterfly net that was far too large for a butterfly. It appeared that Zexion's base instincts had kicked in and his love for hockey rediscovered. He was currently waving a hockey stick in the air above the broken remains of a vial filled with nobody extract.

Once Zexion realized the error of his ways (so after about two hours) he stared at the ground in shame. "I am so sorry. What do we do now?"

When he received no response from the ice cream man, Zexion noticed that a giant syringe was sticking through his chest. "Um, oww?"

"I needed to get more extract from somewhere, and you were the closest one around." Vexen was calm once more. He was suddenly standing over Zexion (who was now lying on the ground from the syringe even though the writer was too lazy to write the movement, which is strange considering that he found the time to write this useless and time consuming note) and had his foot on the syringe plunger and was pressing down. In a blur of movement, he extracted the syringe and got back to the table. In exactly four minutes, he finished a small chewable pill and held his hands to the sky.

**FFFSH**! There was a bright flash of light that lit up the room and blinded- "OW, MY EYE!"- Zexion, who was still on the floor.

**BU BA BE BIM**! A catchy item tune sounded through the laboratory. Vexen then popped the pill into his mouth, looked down at Zexion and said, "My meds," as if that explained everything.

Zexion stood up, clearly upset, and brushed his hair down the right side of his face with his handy fingers. "You know what? Forget this spit. I'm going down to Earth Prime to have wild, rabid sex with at least forty of my fangirls. They don't care if I only have one eye. In fact, they think it makes me look uber sexy. You can just go firetruck yourself." On that note, Zexion let himself be swallowed by the dark so he could go do naughty things.

Vexen put a chin to his finger after his assistant left. "Was I not supposed to be doing something overly complicated? Oh well, it probably has nothing to do with the overall plot of this story, so I can ignore it without any repercussions."

After Vexen uttered these words, a boulder fell out of the ceiling and crushed him.

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><p><strong>I really don't have any parting words for the internet's rubes, so I guess this is adieu until next time. Oh, one more thing. I don't expect half of the people who read this to have seen Advent Children, but if some of you have, could you tell me what materia Kadaj attacked Cloud with before their final battle started? You know what I mean, the one where his hand glowed blue for a second and all of those blue balls of light spread out to hit the guy who compensates? If one of you could help me find out without me having to search for it, I would be really grateful. Supreme King is out! Again! <strong>


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